why i became a life coach.
what is a life coach exactly?
and why did i have so much resistance to “becoming” one?
someone said to me recently, “you don’t really want to sit around and listen to people’s problems all day, do you?”
the thing is, i do.
the mind is fascinating to me.
how we navigate it, what we make this all mean, how we filter, process, and regurgitate human experience. where memories come from. what is truth, to each individual. and how we navigate and flow both individually and collectively around the world.
what it is to be human compels me.
i have an insatiable curiosity to support this exploration with others. within myself.
but hold up, waitaminute, i don’t just listen to people’s “problems!” i listen to wisdom, solutions, ideas, dreams, intuition, and desires. yes, this also includes heartaches, struggles, the places that keep us stuck, and the myriad ways we suffer, but i consider it an honour to gain your trust and hold space for you. to have you surrender your tender heart and what you hold most important.
for several years i considered coaching and going back to school to become a therapist [which i’m currently in, btw, only 5 more semesters to go!]. as a long time commercial radio host, i was having conversations daily with people, with an audience, that were deeper than the norm. my own vulnerability on air, in my poetry and written expression, and in real life made me someone that many felt comfortable to turn to in times of questioning, struggle, or needing support.
i’ve also been a mental health advocate, without really identifying as such or “branding” myself in that way, for years. here’s a not-so-humble brag of a canadian mental health association campaign i was part of promoting celebrating every day victories and looking at the “bounce back” cognitive behavioural therapy program that the cmha offers.
here’s where i had hesitations.
being a life coach isn’t regurgitating inspirational quotes or even that “tony robbins” shit. i didn’t want to be placed in that same box or grouping as the rip off artists of smooth moving people like jay shetty and the likes. but… what control do i have over that really? i was willing to let that go.
there is this stigma and persona of a life coach having everything figured out and their life tightly held together [see: the “everyone is an expert” hesitation below]. this couldn’t be further from the truth! and i most definitely would not be one of “those people;” i have a healthy dose of struggles and have been very open about those things i am also facing. but, wouldn’t i too want and choose a coach who is open, real, and human?
there are endless “coaches” out there, “coaches coaches” who sell these mastermind courses, and also seem to not really help anyone. is this whole industry one big scam? well… i’m not a scam. i have pure intentions. i would help people in this way for free, and for many years i have. i was willing to let those judgements of mine go.
could i be a coach, taking on other people’s minds and emotions, while still creating and holding space for my own? i knew that this could be very emotionally draining. it would be up to me to constantly hold myself accountable to fill myself back up, and to work with my own coaches, teachers, and therapists for support when it perhaps becomes too much. to continue to have my own support when i feel smothered by life or anxious or depressed myself. i will also have to be super strict and responsible with boundaries, something i had struggled with for years. was it going to be easy? no. was it going to be worth it? i was willing to take that on and see [especially before diving into years of school to become a full blown therapist].
i am a deeply empathetic person; i want to help. but that caretaker mentality can make it personal, so this is something i have to hold within my awareness. there is a fine line between coach and friend. for many years, i’ve been considered your friend through my radio show, writing, & poetry - would people even be willing to see me in this new capacity, and would they accept the boundaries i place? [here’s more i explored in my newsletter which you should totally subscribe to].
everyone is an expert. there are so many self-proclaimed experts out there, looking to capitalize on others who search or are in pain. for some reason, this really bothers me. but get this: NO ONE is an expert!!! what if we’re all both teachers and students in this life? i was willing to let the so-called “experts” have their space, and for me to have mine.
so i went to school, applied myself for 12 weeks, got accredited and certified through an international coaches federation school, and stepped into this role of “coach.” spoiler alert: it wasn’t that easy or basic, i’ve been training for this in many ways for my entire life [i’ve also done many courses, which you can read about right here]. the learning never stops, and I ENJOY THAT.
i’m still navigating some of these changes, the hesitations, learning to pivot and adapt my life to this new but not new mission. but i have already learned so much and gained a lot out of the trust, vulnerability, and connection with others that is created.
why i finally became a life coach.
i had grown tired of playing small and not stepping into a role i was basically already in, but in a diminished and not clear-cut way.
we need to talk to people. we need help navigating the mental and emotional shit storm, at times, and it’s not the job of our partners, our friends, our family, our co-workers, or strangers on the internet. and often those people don’t know how to support us, to hold that space for us, to ask those powerful questions that can help us move and get us feeling supported into growth, change, and acceptance of the way things are. often we express things to others in our lives hoping for some sort of answer or “quick fix;” and a lot of the time, the people in our lives don’t want to see us suffer so they want to get us out of what we’re experiencing immediately, and can sometimes depreciate what we’re saying, or not even acknowledge it at all. it’s only the people that i’ve trusted in my life, the ones who made me feel less alone, the ones who i felt deeply seen by and that they “got it,” but also offered me access to my own insight and wisdom, that have saved me. i knew [and know] i could be that for others [and for some, i already was].
it is not lost on me to be with someone in their deep vulnerability. to be the witness to another, fully and completely, is a sacred act and gift.
i have navigated many things in my own life so far and can relate deeply in an endless and vast sea of waves.
what did i have to lose really, to just try?
here’s how a coach like me can help you.
in the last few weeks, i’ve had conversations surrounding many different topics with clients. things like:
crippling anxiety and depression, not feeling able to move forward
anger issues, how to express anger in healthy ways, why the anger is present, & what it wants you to know
repairing relationships, how to better communicate needs & express boundaries
big life changes such as job loss, taking on something new, & navigating the uncertainty of covid & the weight of the world
confronting fears, not feeling worthy, not trusting oneself, not feeling good enough to do something
carrying around weight of past relationships, grief, healing, letting go, how to both stay open mentally & emotionally, but also keep that beautiful heart cracked open
how to develop presence & awareness in a noisy, over stimulated world
helping make decisions from a grounded & aware place [vs. making a decision out of desperation]
taking a look at how we are vs. how we would like to be
goals [it’d be rude to not mention goals], how to identify what you want, how to create a plan of action to get you there
“it’s not what happened to you it’s how you experience what happened to you.” - dr. gabor maté
want to talk? book a coaching session with me and let’s work together to have you feeling seen, heard, loved, and valued while expressing yourself creatively with awareness in this world. are you able to help marginalized youth? donate a session to a youth in need. you can read more about my intentions behind this being a part of my practice here.
don’t give up…
… you are loved.
-casey-jo loos | @caseyjoloos